"Transporter 3" (2008) - Movie Review

It is immaterial to see “Transporter” and “Transporter 2” to see “Transporter 3”. I really feel that films which are like this can be called action porn. I cannot morally justify it but trust me you know what I mean. Hence seeing a film like this, the dialogues and story are insignificant because all which needs to be got right are the actions (pun intended). “Transporter 3” in couple of sensual scenes is not alone a bad action porn but also not qualify for a good porn.

Environmental disaster is the current equivalent of the nuclear bomb threat in the films. Here there are greedy industrialists hiring a dude Johnson (Robert Knepper) who hires couple of other dudes to hire a transporter dude Frank Martin (Jason Statham) who refuses the offer and suggests another dude (David Atrakachi) to be hired. This dude fails the operation and the dude of the dudes who got their butts kicked by Frank forces a bracelet which would blow off when he goes 75 feet away from his car to transport the goods along with a femme Valentina (Natalya Rudakova). In the meanwhile a minister is threatened by Johnson to sign a contract with the industrialists for sanctioning their disposal of garbage into the sea. As I said, story and dialogues are irrelevant.

Valentina is the European accented girl with blue rouge and devil in the eyes. She talks dark and in fact the compadre of Frank, Tarconi (François Berléand) says so too. There are many instances wherein I thought the film is spoofing on itself but no, they talk serious. Bravo to Statham and Rudakova for acting out those stupid lines attaching such a gravity to it. The kinetic energy in the film is not so upbeat too. The action scenes comes with long intervals in between and except for the cycle stunt and car drowning, rest of it is a routine for the routine actions.

Statham works hard in making his Frank work and he succeeds with his muscled body and cleanly worn black suit. He is fit and fine. Rudakova as the female attractive object for the film acting as this dreary and cynical hostage explaining the dishes in a connoisseurastic tone which pushed me to almost faint on the preposterous setting of the film. The villain Johnson do not exactly know what he is doing. He is a bad hire by these company directors. He does not have special skills and he is so boring even as the stupid villain shooting his henchmen for his bad mood.

The fillers of course does not need to make sense as defined in the beginning verses. It should not be a stretch too and “Transporter 3” has many. It fails and fails and makes you impatient. It reminded of another Statham flick horribly made called “Crank” which is going to have its sequel. Mindless entertainment is good when that requires a lot of skill and precision to be made well. This film abuses those privileges and runs off the grounds sinking deeper and deeper beneath the layers of stupidness.

And then Frank romances with Valentina and the film achieves new low in it. With some pills and alcohol, Valentina becomes horny and takes away the keys. Now for a good stunt man like Frank it should not be a big deal to twist her arm and get it. But that would not aid the sensual scenes in between them. I tolerated it and when the end came for the transporter to kiss good bye to his lady love where he would be shelled by the enemies, she cries and asks “They so many men, you one and I worry” and I wanted to dub the voice of Statham with “Do not be foolish crazy sexy European Lady, I got to come by for Transporter 4”.